Getting back on track

I feel like this could be a good place to vent. I've always been better at writing feelings than saying them. I also know that for most people around me that it's hard to help them understand unless they have been there.

Getting back on track in life is really difficult. I feel like I am trying to find myself again. This past year has been the absolute worst year of my life. It has done so much damage to me emotionally that I don't know who I am anymore. I miss my Dad so much it feels so empty without him. It makes me so sick to my stomach when I think about it. Maybe humans are just selfish, knowing they are in a better place yet still wanting them here. I can not explain the difference that he made in my life.

I know how far I have fallen away from God, and I need to get back to where I used to be. Every day will be a step in the right direction. I have no choice but to accept what life is right now. The hardest part is realizing that this life is not in our hands. Life is somewhat of an interesting thing, we live to die, really. What you make of this life is the most important thing. I know that my Dad accomplished every thing he would have ever wanted and I look up to him. He wasn't afraid to take chances. He fought harder for his life than anyone I have ever met. Even though his life was cut short here, he now has eternal life.

I have grown to appreciate life more and will always remember what my Dad taught me, to never gave up. I can't give up on my life either. I can't keep dwelling on what the future might hold, I have to take it as it comes.

Now, all I have to do is put this into effect.

WOW I am writing another post!

Ok, since the last post I have been married, gone on a honeymoon and am on the way to beginning my career as an esthetician. I'd say life is good. Being married is great and I love spending every day with my best friend, and I'll also be working with him. We went to St.Lucia and stayed at the Sandals Grande for our Honeymoon which was beautiful! I won't be able to write a whole entry about the time I have missed because...that could take forever. Lets just say every thing is going well. I have been researching and getting all of my supplies I need to start working. It's harder starting your own business then I thought! I have all of the big stuff, now it's just getting the small supplies together. It's actually fun being in control of your business though. Today my products were delivered so of course I ripped the boxes open immediately and felt like a little kid at Christmas. I can't wait to use them! I also watched the DVDS they sent me on the products and facials. Today didn't consist of a whole lot except for studying my products a little. I also went in and paid my security alarm registration fee since the alarm went off about 2 months ago when we weren't here. I am also excited because now I am keeping in touch with my family in MD and VA and I think the wedding brought us together. Well tonight we are doing the routine friday parent visit which of course is always something to look forward to. Sounds like we are having some good dinner tonight too.

I am going to write quick...I have some studying to do.

Today was ok, I think I did well on my test. According to my grade report yesterday I have an A in the class. I was getting frustrated towards the end of the day because we were adding machines to our facial and I feel like I do not know what I am doing. Things are not explained very well, and I know I am not the only one who feels that way. I spend all of this money and it's not fair if I come out of this class unsure of what I am doing. It seems like every thing is rushed because we have to learn in such a short period of time. I will probably have to get additional training after this so I feel comfortable.

On a better note my step dad's last radiation treatment is tomorrow. Finally, maybe he can get back to living his life now. It's been tough and I am hoping that this can conquer every thing in the brain. I try to not show that it bothers me the best I can, but every single day I am thinking about it. My parents deserve to get back to normal and live a fulfilling life. You never know what it's like until it hits close to home. Keep them in your prayers, I know God has a plan.

Any way, I have to study and then I am going to eat at Charlie's house tonight.

Later.